Aarrrr!

Dear Johnny Depp,
Have I mentioned how much I love your work? Not on this blog, yet! Well then, allow me to tell you again. You're one of those people who isn't inherently all that attractive, but whose talent makes you absolutely blisteringly hot.
It is because of you that I watch the Pirates movies, which I do like, even though the last one makes me cry and the second one just kinda sucks. It's your perfect erformance as Hunter S. Thompson that had me confused, splitting my gut with laughter, terrified, and hooked on Gonzo journalism within moments.

And now for you, miss Betsey.
I love you. I love your clothing. I've wanted to wear your stuff since I was twelve, back in the dark ages. You have a fantastic quirky attitude and the pieces you design belong in my imagination of all kinds of satistfying Gaiman fantasy novels.
But last year at Fashion Week.... seriously?

These two infatuations of varying depth should never, ever, E.V.E.R. meet.

Avast there, mateys!
Send the poofey one up the crow's nest!

Indulge me for a minute. Well, that is really all I do here, isn't it? But allow me to point out the many things that are wrong with this picture.

1. That poor boy pirate. Oh dear, he would quickly be "unseamed ... from nave to th' chops / and fixed his head upon our battlements" except of course ships don't really have battlements. At least I don't think they do, it's not like I've been on one or something.
   But seriously. He's skinny, which could be quite helpful, but he negates all ability to show how he could aid the fiercer pirates with that little pucker.
   And I respect anyone who can rock an eye patch without looking ridiculous, but his appears as if he winks obscenely, but a regular wink just wasn't quite enough. OK, that is not true, but thinking that even momentarily gave me the inspiration to liken him to Adam Lambert, and I couldn't pass up that opportunity. 1
   
   That is most obviously a glitter-fied eye patch.
   Maybe I would like our little pirate man better if he sported that, too?
   
   
   
2. The pirate's ruffles plus pirate-ism plus BOW-TIE? This is not a good mix of fashion genres, end of story.
3. Orange shoelaces.
4. Actually, the poofey dress is kind of adorable... just moderately disturbing when paired with little pirate man. For pity's sake, she's showing her ANKLES! Indecent. Just the kind of floozy who pirates like, I suppose. Just probably not that particular pirate.
   
5. Miniature top hat. No.

1. It is entirely too much fun to tease Laura about her obsessions.

A New Trend

Yes, ladies. It's the moment you've been waiting for.

Now, you too, can be a SEXY ZEBRA.

"But Melissa", you say, "how can you possibly give up your secrets for such a beautiful ensemble? What if we wear it to the same parties?

At which time I'll tell you, dearest readers, that I am an incredibly altruistic woman and I am willing to share the secrets to my popularity with the rest of the known world. And, we probably don't attend the same parties.